Friday, February 16, 2007


"When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power." -Hugh White

Such simple advice. I vow at this moment not to repeat the mistakes I've already repeated again and again to date...specifically that situation which I currently face. I remember something my friend said to me once and it has stuck with me prominently since, and I've adjusted it somewhat here: misery is repeating the same course of action, expecting different results. I feel like I'm "here" again...having repeated the same mistake and having stupidly hoped for a different result. Oftentimes, all the good intentions, efforts, and character can't save one from heartache. So, I start all over again and it hurts. But it's what we do, right? Jobless, homeless, and loveless all at once?! Wow. I've really hit the trifecta, haven't I? Time to see what I'm made of this go round.


buzzgirl said...

Wow. I don't have the answer, as I continually make the same mistakes over and over again.

bI do, however, wish you the best of luck in your new beginnings.

buzzgirl said...

And by "bI", I mean "I".

victoria said...

please explain.....

b said... good to hear from you. Thanks for the kind wishes. Here's hoping we learn from the repetition of mistakes at some point and grow! But, where love is concerned...I'm almost hopeless. When I connect with someone at that level, I just love so freely and open myself up willingly.

Vicki...thanks for the talk tonight. I saw your comment, broke down, and had to call you. I appreciate your support so much. The power and beauty of a good friendship never ceases to amaze me. I believe in all the things you told me and feel increasingly empowered as a result. I'll continue to hurt for awhile but I will be alright. I may be homeless and jobless but with that comes, as you reminded me, so much opportunity and power...the power to choose and change my life for the better. And I'm never completely without love. I'm so touched by the love and support of my family lately, and certainly the love and support of you and your family. Thanks really means so much.

carra said...

B listen, it is not as bad as it seems. You have moved one step forward. Unfortunately life has few bombs for you, but if there weren't any how the hell would you know when you get a cooky? BTW I am sorry to hear about three (less), I really am. Things will get better for you you'll see.

Richard said...

I am sorry to hear that you seem to have hit the unlucky jackpot.

I suppose I could serve up a bunch of platitudes (It is darkest before the dawn. It could be worse.), but what would be the point? I would just sound like someone mumbling something on autopilot as I quickly try to run away.

I think you are vying with me in the way you slip in heavy news. I didn't notice it yesterday. But I suppose you are the type who does not want to stand on the top of the world and broadcast yourself.

You are right though, if you do what you have always been doing, you will always get the same results. And change is hard. To be honest, I don't know if it is more scary or more hard, or an equal mixture of both. It probably depends on the individual.

Seneca once wrote something to the effect of:

In your last letter to me, you wrote, 'Have you so organized your life that you now presume to instruct me on mine?’

I hardly presume myself to be freed of all troubles and ills. I was writing as though you and I were both patients in the same ward and sharing the travails of our illnesses and the experiences of treatments and remedies.

I may not always have my life together, I may not always be were I want to be, but I am always willing to listen and to share what I have read, heard or experienced.

Ancilla said...

b, seems like a long time ago...

people learn from mistakes.
and with it, we are growing up.
and it always be like that...

dont worry b, there always be time for everything.
just keep on fighting ;)

b said...

Carra...thank you. I know it isn't the end of the world. I've always been able to see that in these really hard situations. I've never been a gloom and doom kind of girl for long. I realize that there is a lot to live for. And yes, if everything were easy and stagnant, it seems we would be existing rather than living. Thanks for the support and your enduring friendship!

Richard...I appreciate your comment. I know...what does one really say in these situations? Nevertheless, I do appreciate your sincerity and support. You certainly have me pegged in many ways. I am not the girl that stands on top of the world and broadcasts herself. I also find that I really despise being negative and complaining. (Notice that I removed my anti-Valentine's Day commentary). It is just who I am. But yes, I think that despite what seem to be rather innate characteristics, I can change the behaviors that are proving repeatedly detrimental. It's funny though...I embrace change in so many ways. Why shouldn't I embrace change where it is actually needed?! Thank you again for the really means a lot to me.

Ancilla...thank you. It is support like yours that really helps see me through these tough times. I know that there will be more mistakes to be made again down the road, but if I truly try to learn from today's mistakes, I can avoid making them again in the future. I need to stop expecting that I should be able to reach a ridiculous level of wisdom at this age (or any for that matter), which will somehow prevent me from making any mistakes or hurting so deeply. This is all a part of being alive, really. And knowing that, I will jump back in.

Cavalock said...

From all that you have written in the past, I can say that u r fighter and I’m sure that u’ll be back doing what u do best real soon. I’m not good with words, wish there’s something I can do.

Be good to yourself.

b said...

Cavalock...thanks for the support. I appreciate your sentiments and they encourage me beyond what you likely realize. You may not feel that you are good with words...but your sincerity is powerfully felt.

Cavalock said...

The part bout u being homeless worries me. Jobless and loveless, well, we all been there. I hope u have a roof over yr head or something.

b said...

Cavalock...oh no! I was not being entirely literal when I said "homeless." I just moved back up to the city this weekend and am trying to find the right apartment in a particular area that I'm pretty set on living in. My family is up here so I am staying with my parents in the interim. I'm so sorry to have worried you!!!!