Thursday, March 27, 2008

The Universe Conspires

"When you want something,
all the universe conspires
in helping you to achieve it."

-Paulo Coelho

I've long known what it is I want to pursue (namely, writing and being a writer) and that immersing myself in the avenues of inspiration that speak to my soul best (travel, reading, nature, connecting with others) will truly yield a fulfilling and happy life. When I'm really focused on my dreams/Personal Legend, the universe repeatedly shows me that it is conspiring to help me achieve those dreams. But sometimes we need to proclaim those dreams... we need to not only carry them within ourselves, but we need to throw them out into the universe.

I return again and again to this notion and quote of the universe conspiring, now more than ever. Before a year ago, I don't know that I really embraced all this simple statement promises. However, I am now awake. I have never felt so in tune with the natural force of life and its tremendous gifts. Undeniably, reading has always opened me up in tremendous ways. The Alchemist, Joseph Campbell, the Tao Te Ching, and literature (from Herman Hesse to Dostoevsky) have all helped me reach this point of awareness and acceptance. These influences have found me at the right time but not without my calling out to the universe, asking for them, but obscurely. And so they have become amazing and rewarding surprises, presenting themselves at the most opportune time.

Amazing things are happening in my life right now. An amazing sense of strength and spirit is guiding me so clearly. Amazing people are emerging and offering me gifts of friendship that are so unreal to me. I feel so in sync with who I truly am and all that I want for my life.

Months ago, I proclaimed to the universe that I wanted to go back to Paris. The desire and strong sense that this was something imperative to my destiny overcame me. Before I knew it, I posted my desire and love of Paris here on this blog. I started connecting with people who shared this love of Paris and before I knew it, I secured an apartment in Paris for the month of July. Just a few weeks ago, I watched my sister's pet for her while she was away on business for two weeks. In appreciation, she offered me ALL her airline miles, which will pay for my roundtrip ticket to Paris!

At the same time I started posting about my love of Paris, I was also telling the universe that I really wanted "someone" in my life that would "get me." Of course, I thought this was a plea for a meaningful, all encompassing, intimate relationship with a man but it is interesting that over and over in my mind it was just that statement, "I really want someone in my life that gets me." And so, I threw it out into the universe, just like that. Amidst such, I had also been feeling that I do not have strong friendships in my life right now and specifically, great female friends. I'm fortunate to have my sisters and they are certainly my friends but I started feeling a void of female friendships. And I found myself saying that aloud to my sister one night when we were out for drinks.

Not long after that, I met my friend Melissa at the gym. She worked at the front desk and we would greet each other in passing as I came in and out of the gym. She graciously put up with my repeated requests to change the televisions in the cardio area to certain football games and one day when I saw her reading Hemingway at work, we started talking about literature. That was about four months ago and it feels as though we have long been friends. Interests in literature, LOST, and great conversations about a myriad of things have all been eagerly shared over many drinks and great food. She listens so willingly and with such compassion. Truly a sincere friend.

At this same time, I also found my sister soul mate, LBR. Having declared to the universe that I wanted so badly to have someone in my life that "gets me" produced more than I ever could have imagined in her friendship. Meeting via our blogs, we really connected at a time of seeming darkness. From there, amazing connections between us continued to unfold and there seems to be this endless amount of lovely surprises in our friendship. Our mutual interest in Paris, writing, literature, symbols, dreams, and the most insane silliness... astounds me daily. How could I find someone so absolutely and equally eager to consume large quantities of macarons and Jack Daniels simultaneously?!?! The spectrum of emotions and topics we cover and with such equal enthusiasm and openness is surreal to me. But it is all very real... here she is in my life and I cannot adequately express the sense of hope and strength I find in her friendship daily.

A large part of my courage in having faith to book my trip to Paris stems from her desire to do the same. Meeting her in this way and at this time is no mere coincidence. How could you possibly explain that before having even known the other person existed, we both had it set in our individual minds that we wanted to be in Paris for the entire month of July and that this trip to Paris was not just a vacation, but a necessary part of our destiny?!?! This immense sense of friendship stems not only from what interests we share. There is this somewhat indescribable luminosity about her friendship, all that she opens me up to, her compassion and support, her laughter and openness. I feel that I bare myself and my absolute darkest experiences and struggles with absolute trust. We lean on one another but without any concerted effort. She is truly a gift to my life and that is such an understatement.

So, here the universe has conspired and made my life abundant with female friendships that have long been absent from my life. Here I am, about to go to Paris for a month. The ticket and apartment are essentially secured and with my incredibly flexible job, my being gone is an absolute non-issue, thanks to a wonderful boss who so values life outside of work. I've been so happy and grateful for all that the universe has conspired to bring me, because I am on that true path. Yet, I was still cognizant that my relationships with men continue to feel precarious. A lingering relationship that I've found myself with one foot in and one foot out of, sometimes longing to return to it despite all the signs from the universe that it is not right. The disappointment and sting of male "friends" who reveal that they don't really want just a platonic friendship with me despite a foundation that does indeed point to the possibility of a good friendship.

However, the universe conspires again. I have met another incredible friend at the gym (yes, I go to the gym A LOT). His peaceful energy and insightful nature add so much depth and inspiration to my life. My fears of his possessing ulterior motives were quickly dispelled and I feel that this relationship will not only lend to my growth as a creative spirit, but it is already proving such a healing balm to the bruises of my past where male relationships are concerned, providing me with a sense of a healthy male friendship. He is also a writer (again, how could such be considered mere coincidence?) and our conversations are so inspiring to my own writing and creative direction. It is amazing how his influence has already brought about increased authenticity and a fuller perception of everything in my daily life.

Maybe this is all too touchy-feely or Pollyanna for some of you. I know that it may have been for me many years ago. Chance and luck are only a part of life. Why do we refuse to acknowledge that when we are true to our nature, when we trust and open ourselves, when we scrape away all that we think we need/want and peel back the superficial layers... then and only then do we really live full and abundant lives. Why do we feel that happiness and fulfillment must come from sacrificing years and years to meaningless pursuits, hoping that commitment to such will somehow allow us to stumble upon some jackpot of happiness? All that happiness and fulfillment require are assent to our true destinies. No force, no anguish, no real sacrifice is really required. The abundance is just waiting for each and everyone and it is inexhaustible. The universe does not discriminate. But we have to ask for it, we have to give ourselves willingly and wholly to the possibilities.

I feel so grateful for every little moment in my day. My senses are so heightened to all that is around me. I am happy and free. I am awake and truly alive. I am grateful to the universe for bringing each and everyone of you into my life. Thank you for the many gifts you bestow upon me so willingly.


8 comments:

carra said...

Dear B, I am overjoyed to see you like this. Since I met you, you have grown (as a person) so much it is a great pleasure to see it. I am also very glad that finally you have surrounded yourself with people who truly care who you are and who really care about your wants and wishes. In my life there is no greater happiness than seeing my friends or just people around me happy. Because people who are happy are complete and they glow with delight as well as share a lot of that light with others. I know exactly what you mean by asking the universe and getting a response, yes it is there and waiting for your call, and the moment you release your wish, it comes to you, sometimes by the help of others and sometimes by curious incidents that could seem almost accidental. I am happy you will be able to spend a month in Paris and one thing I have been holding from you for months. You already know you will meet your destiny there, but please keep your eyes wide open because your destiny that is waiting for you in Paris might be too obvious for you to see. I know this, I wrote about this last year in the letter for your birthday that never got to you. I am not promising a life change, I am promising you fulfillment. I know I am not wrong and I know that you know it too. Once again, I am very happy for you, for everything good that surrounds you in your life. With all my love. C

Louis la Vache said...

Bonjour, "b!" Louis la Vache has begun a new blog: San Francisco Bay Daily Photo at http:bayphoto.blogspot.com

Randal Graves said...

There's some powerful stuff in there. I'm glad you've found some people and a place where you can be yourself, be happy and explore all that life has to offer.

I'm still having a hard time picture you and LBR throwing back shots of Jack, though. ;-)

La Belette Rouge said...

Dear B, aka Sister Soulmate: I am so touched to be a part of this lovely and inspiring post. It brought tears to my eyes. There is no doubt that the universe is conspiring for my happiness and for yours. The proof is in our friendship and in our Paris plans.

I will be forever grateful how you reached out to me in my time of darkness. I never imagined that so much light could come through that time and yet it did. And, it makes me wonder what my life would have been like if I had never had shared about that. Would we still be planning our month long Paris adventures? Would there ever be a pair conspiring to sneak Jack Daniel's into Laduree? I think not.

I am, as you know, incredibly grateful to have you as a very dear friend. I never imagined that I could meet someone like you and certainly not on the internet. Nor did I ever imagine that in one friendship I could go from the depths of sadness in one moment and then feel the burn from laughing and smiling in the next. It is absolutely extraordinary all that we have in common. I am continually astonished by the synchronicity of our Paris trip and the depth of our Paris dreams. But more than anything, I am astonished by your friendship.

When I think back to the time when I was planning to go to Paris solo and didn't even know you( sad days indeed) there was a big leap of faith involved and I feel like the reward for taking that leap--for following that bliss-- was meeting you. Over and over you and your leaps of faith in following your bliss has inspired me to do the same. Just as it looked like things were following apart you inspired me to take the leap again and I feel the rewards are even greater than I could have imagined.

I am so excited about our trip. I feel sure that it will be a month filled with joy, laughter, depth and unbelievable happiness. I am also sure that there will be a lot of Jack Daniels and macarons. What I look forward to discovering in Paris and in our lives is how else the universe is conspiring for our happiness.

I do have to say that all this is not just luck. You are a person who gives of herself so freely and openly. You reached out to me. I am sure that you bring that warmth, kindness, genuineness, and goodhearted nature with you to the gym and where ever you go. By showing up and giving of yourself you create opportunities for the universe to give to you. And, as far as I am concerned, you deserve for the universe to open the heavens and pour open
the fulfillment of all your dreams( or at least unlimited macarons).

I am continually inspired by your openess and willingness to write from your heart. This post is such an example. Thank you for everything and for much more than that.

Very sincerely,
Ton Amie,
La Belette Rouge
xo

Randal: Trust me---both B and I are capable of paradox. There will be shots of Jack in Paris and Austin and in lands in between. ;-)

Function of Time said...

I know what you mean when you say that you are lacking strong female friends. I have found more of this online than I have in real life. Mainly (and please don't take this in anyway negative)...women don't like me (mainly because I don't find anything in common with the women around me). This is why I have more male friends. It's nice that we have found a great francophile community here.

Richard said...

Hmm ... my memory is getting bad. I am pretty sure that we'd gone over this at some point before. Normally, I am pretty good at remembering conversation's Anyway ...

I do not believe the universe conspires with us or against us, but is indifferent to us. Now, when I was younger (certainly pre-35), I believed that if one led a fairly "good" life (read good as in general accordance with fundamental principles of the universe, not struggling to distort and bend it to our own will), then the universe would naturally unfold itself. For most of my life, this is how things seemed to work. That said ...

I am glad to hear that things are going well for you. The past few months have actually been pretty good for me too (maybe it is some cosmic karma alignment, although, I know some who are struggling at this time). I generally feel positive and inspired (my trademark was approved - well, as approved as a bureaucrat ever will, it is not to be published and they will see if anyone contests it). I finally filed some tax returns (that is 2005 and 2006, not 2007 yet). I could definitely benefit from some more time and a cabal (for me, this is a peer / mentor / coaching / drill sergeant / support / encouraging / idea bouncing / insight providing group. Normal friends and family just don't cut it; not because there is something wrong with them, but because they are not in the same place I am).

I hope things continue to go well for you.

Zen Chef said...

I am happy for you!
:-)

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